The Crypt of Valdrath was supposed to be important.
Ancient king.
Lost crown.
Cursed tomb.
Possible undead.
The usual.
The party had been hired to retrieve the Crown of Saint Orlan from the crypt before a group of grave robbers reached it first.
Paul had a map.
Ellie had researched the tomb.
Jimmy had brought rope.
Jo Mama had brought enthusiasm.
Everything was going well.
Then Jo saw the mushroom.
It was enormous.
Purple.
Silver-spotted.
Approximately the size of a chair.
Jo stopped.
Paul kept walking.
Three seconds later, he realized he could no longer hear Jo’s footsteps.
He stopped.
Closed his eyes.
Then turned around.
Jo was crouched beside the mushroom.
“No.”
Jo looked at him.
“What?”
“We are not doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Whatever you’re about to do.”
Jo looked at the mushroom.
Then at Paul.
“Mushroom.”
“I see it.”
“Big.”
“I also see that.”
“Purple.”
“Yes.”
Jo looked pleased.
Paul pointed toward the road.
“Crypt.”
Jo pointed at the mushroom.
“Mushroom.”
“Crypt.”
“Mushroom.”
“Ancient crown.”
“Purple mushroom.”
Paul looked at Ellie.
Ellie shrugged.
“She has a point.”
“No, she doesn’t.”
Jimmy crouched beside Jo.
“Could eat?”
Paul spun.
“Absolutely not.”
Jimmy nodded.
“Could poison.”
“Yes.”
“Could sell.”
“No.”
“Could need.”
“No.”
Jo touched the mushroom.
Paul made a strangled sound.
Nothing happened.
Jo poked it again.
Still nothing.
Then a tiny voice shouted:
“STOP POKING THE FORTRESS!”
Jo froze.
Paul froze.
Ellie drew a dagger.
Jimmy reached for a bag.
The mushroom moved.
A tiny door opened in its stem.
A man approximately eight inches tall stepped out.
He wore silver armor.
He carried a sword the size of a butter knife.
And he was furious.
“WHO DARES ASSAULT THE EASTERN WALL?”
Jo’s eyes became enormous.
“Tiny knight.”
Paul whispered:
“No.”
The knight pointed his sword at Jo.
“I am SIR KEVIN OF THE SILVER CAP!”
Jo leaned closer.
“Kevin.”
“SIR Kevin.”
“Tiny Sir Kevin.”
“JO.”
Jo sat down.
“Sorry.”
Sir Kevin glared up at her.
Then at Paul.
Then Ellie.
Then Jimmy.
“You are adventurers?”
Paul straightened.
“Yes.”
“Excellent.”
Paul immediately regretted answering.
Sir Kevin pointed toward the forest.
“Our kingdom is in peril.”
Paul looked toward the road.
Then at the map.
Then at the crypt.
Then back at Sir Kevin.
“What kind of peril?”
Jo smiled.
Paul saw it.
“No.”
“We help.”
“We have a mission.”
“Kevin mission.”
“No.”
Sir Kevin raised his sword.
“The fungal colonies of the eastern grove have been displaced by the construction of a badger den.”
Paul blinked.
“A badger.”
“Three.”
Paul stared.
“Three badgers.”
“Mother and two young.”
Jo gasped.
“BABY BADGERS.”
Paul looked at the sky.
“Why.”
Retrieve the Crown of Saint Orlan from the Crypt of Valdrath before the grave robbers arrive.
CURRENT LOCATION:
Not the Crypt of Valdrath.
CURRENT ACTIVITY:
Negotiating mushroom sovereignty with an eight-inch knight named Kevin.
Everything is proceeding normally.
The badger problem turned out to be real.
Sir Kevin led them through the grove.
Several enormous mushrooms had been knocked sideways where the badgers had dug their den.
Tiny homes leaned at alarming angles.
Tiny people carried tiny baskets away from the damage.
One mushroom had collapsed completely.
Jo looked horrified.
“House broke.”
Sir Kevin nodded grimly.
“Our western district.”
Paul crouched beside the burrow.
“We cannot simply remove a mother badger with young.”
Sir Kevin lowered his sword.
“We know.”
Jo looked at him.
“No bonk badger.”
Sir Kevin looked offended.
“I would never.”
Jo nodded approvingly.
“Good Kevin.”
Paul examined the grove.
“We could relocate the mushrooms.”
Sir Kevin stared.
“The eastern colony?”
“Yes.”
“To where?”
Paul pointed toward a clearing beyond the burrow.
“Far enough from the den that neither side disturbs the other.”
Sir Kevin considered.
Jo was already lifting a mushroom.
“Carefully!” Paul shouted.
Jo froze.
She held the mushroom in both hands.
“Careful.”
“Yes. Extremely.”
Jo took one slow step.
Then another.
Sir Kevin watched.
His expression changed.
“Remarkable.”
Jo smiled.
“Jo move house.”
The next two hours were spent relocating a civilization.
Jo moved the largest mushrooms.
Paul used Mage Hand for the smallest.
Ellie mapped the new paths.
Jimmy built tiny braces from twigs, nails, and pieces of scrap he absolutely had not been carrying for this exact purpose.
Paul watched him hammer a tiny support into place.
“Why do you have nails that small?”
Jimmy shrugged.
“Could need.”
Paul decided not to ask again.
By noon, the mushroom village had been rebuilt around the clearing.
Jo constructed a tiny fence.
Then a tiny gate.
Then another tiny gate because the first one was “not fancy.”
Sir Kevin stood before it.
He removed his helmet.
“You have saved the Silver Cap.”
Jo knelt.
“Kevin safe.”
Sir Kevin placed one tiny fist against his chest.
“You have my gratitude.”
Jimmy held up a spoon.
It was very small.
Sir Kevin gasped.
“The Sacred Shovel.”
Paul turned.
“What?”
Jimmy looked at the spoon.
“Found.”
“Where?”
Jimmy pointed vaguely.
Paul narrowed his eyes.
“Jimmy.”
Sir Kevin took the spoon reverently.
“For generations, our people have searched for a tool worthy of the royal garden.”
Paul stared at the spoon.
Then at Jimmy.
Then at Sir Kevin.
“It is a spoon.”
Sir Kevin raised it over his head.
“THE SACRED SHOVEL HAS RETURNED!”
The entire mushroom village cheered.
Jo cheered louder.
Jimmy looked satisfied.
Paul rubbed his temples.
“We have lost two hours.”
Jo pinned Sir Kevin’s tiny mushroom badge to her tutu.
“Worth.”
“No.”
“Kevin.”
Paul sighed.
“Yes.”
They walked for another twenty minutes.
Then they found the chickens.
There were seventeen.
Paul counted.
He did not know why.
Seventeen chickens occupied the road.
One stood on a stump.
Three were beneath the wagon.
Two were inside the wagon.
One was sitting on the driver.
The remaining ten appeared to have formed political factions.
The driver lay beside the road clutching his ankle.
Jo ran toward him.
“You hurt?”
The man looked up.
“Please help me.”
Paul stopped beside him.
“What happened?”
“Wheel broke. Horse spooked. Chickens got loose.”
A chicken landed on Paul’s shoulder.
Paul froze.
Jo pointed.
“Wizard chicken.”
“Remove it.”
Jo carefully picked up the chicken.
It pecked her.
Jo gasped.
“Betrayal.”
The farmer winced.
“My name’s Tomas. I need to get these birds back to my farm.”
Paul looked toward the crypt.
Then at the chickens.
“No.”
Jo was already gathering chickens.
Paul sighed.
“Of course.”
Ellie caught three.
Jimmy found a sack of grain in the wagon.
Every chicken immediately followed him.
The entire party stopped.
Jimmy looked down at the grain.
Then at the chickens.
“Chicken plan.”
Paul stared.
“You could have done that first.”
Jimmy shrugged.
“Did now.”
They repaired the wheel.
Jo carried Tomas.
Tomas protested.
Jo ignored him.
“Ankle bad.”
“I can hop.”
“Jo better.”
“I’m an adult man.”
“Jo still better.”
Tomas looked at Paul.
Paul shrugged.
“She is.”
The chickens followed Jimmy all the way to the farm.
All seventeen.
Paul counted again.
He still did not know why.
Tomas’s wife fed them lunch.
Jo ate four biscuits.
Paul checked the sun.
“We need to go.”
Jo took another biscuit.
“We need to go now.”
Jo wrapped the biscuit in a napkin.
“Emergency.”
Jimmy nodded approvingly.
Paul pointed at him.
“No.”
🗺 SIDE QUEST COMPLETE
CHICKEN ROAD
Chickens recovered:
17/17.
Farmer recovered:
1/1.
Crown recovered:
0/1.
Paul’s patience:
Declining.
They finally reached the path toward the Crypt of Valdrath.
Paul stopped.
“Everyone.”
The others looked at him.
“No more side quests.”
Jo frowned.
“What side quest?”
Paul stared.
“The mushroom kingdom.”
“Kevin.”
“The chickens.”
“Chicken.”
“Yes. Those.”
Jo thought.
“Those were help.”
“Yes.”
“Help good.”
“Yes.”
“So not side quest.”
Paul paused.
Jo smiled.
“Just help.”
Paul hated that this was difficult to argue with.
“We still have a primary objective.”
“Crown.”
“Yes.”
“Crypt.”
“Yes.”
“Dead king.”
“Probably.”
“Maybe skeleton.”
“Possibly.”
Jo grinned.
“Okay.”
Paul pointed down the trail.
“We go directly to the crypt.”
“Yep.”
“No stopping.”
“Yep.”
“No mushrooms.”
“Yep.”
“No chickens.”
“Yep.”
“No tiny kingdoms.”
“Yep.”
“No-”
Something roared in the forest.
Everyone stopped.
Paul closed his eyes.
Jo whispered:
“Dragon.”
“No.”
Another roar.
This one ended in a high, frightened whine.
Jo’s expression changed.
Not excitement.
Concern.
Paul heard it too.
He opened his eyes.
“Oh, damn it.”
Jo was already running.
They found the dragon in a clearing.
It was young.
Not tiny.
But young enough that its wings were still slightly too large for the rest of it.
Copper-red scales flashed beneath ropes and chains.
One rear leg was caught in a steel hunting trap.
The dragon snapped at them when they approached.
Jo stopped immediately.
“Scared.”
Paul nodded.
“Yes.”
The dragon growled.
Smoke curled from its nostrils.
Jo slowly sat down.
“Jo small.”
Paul looked at her.
“You used that on Edren.”
“Worked.”
“Fair.”
Jimmy reached into his bag.
Paul grabbed his wrist.
“What?”
“Jerky.”
Paul considered.
Then released him.
Jimmy placed a strip of jerky on the ground.
The dragon sniffed.
Growled.
Sniffed again.
Jo pushed the jerky closer with one finger.
The dragon snapped.
Jo pulled back.
“No touch.”
The dragon watched her.
Jo waited.
Eventually, the dragon ate the jerky.
Jimmy produced another strip.
Paul stared.
“How much emergency jerky do you carry?”
Jimmy shrugged.
“Enough.”
Jo looked at the trap.
“Need open.”
Ellie circled carefully.
“Pressure release on the side.”
Paul nodded.
“I can use Mage Hand.”
Jo looked at the dragon.
“Help leg?”
The dragon growled.
Jo waited.
“Okay.”
Paul glanced at her.
Jo shrugged.
“Not ready.”
They sat there for nearly twenty minutes.
Nobody rushed it.
Jimmy supplied jerky.
Ellie studied the trap.
Paul prepared the spell.
Jo talked.
Not about anything important.
She told the dragon about Sir Kevin.
Then the chickens.
Then Paul’s chicken.
“I did not have a chicken.”
“Chicken liked Paul.”
“It attacked my shoulder.”
“Love bite.”
“No.”
The dragon’s breathing slowly eased.
Jo shifted closer.
It did not snap.
“Help now?”
The dragon watched her.
Then lowered its head.
Jo looked at Paul.
“Now.”
Mage Hand released the trap.
Ellie pulled the chain clear.
Jo lifted the steel jaws.
The dragon yanked its leg free.
Blood darkened the scales.
Jo tore a strip of cloth from the edge of her already-questionable travel cloak.
Paul helped wrap the wound.
The dragon watched them.
When they finished, it stood unsteadily.
Jo stood too.
The dragon was almost as tall as she was.
Jo looked delighted.
“Big baby.”
The dragon huffed smoke into her face.
Jo coughed.
“Spicy.”
Paul laughed before he could stop himself.
Jo looked at him.
“You laugh.”
“No.”
“Paul laugh.”
“I coughed.”
“Happy cough.”
The dragon spread its wings.
It hesitated.
Then bumped its snout against Jo’s shoulder.
Jo froze.
Her entire face softened.
“Friend?”
The dragon launched into the air.
It circled once above the clearing.
Then disappeared beyond the trees.
Jo watched until it was gone.
Paul checked the sun.
It was nearly evening.
Jo looked at him.
Paul looked at Jo.
Neither spoke.
Finally Paul said:
“We are not reaching the crypt today.”
Jo nodded.
“Dragon.”
“Yes.”
“Worth?”
Paul looked toward the sky.
He sighed.
“Yes.”
Jo smiled.
“Worth.”
They camped at Tomas’s farm because it was closer than returning to town.
The mushroom pin remained on Jo’s tutu.
Sir Kevin arrived shortly after sunset riding a badger.
Paul stopped asking questions.
Tomas brought out ale.
His wife brought stew.
The chickens wandered through the yard.
The dragon did not return.
This was probably for the best.
Sir Kevin raised a tiny cup.
“To the heroes of the Silver Cap!”
Tomas raised his mug.
“To the people who saved my chickens.”
Jo raised her bowl.
“To Kevin and chicken and dragon.”
Paul raised his drink.
“To reaching the crypt tomorrow.”
Nobody heard him.
By morning, someone had painted a new sign over Tomas’s barn.
THE CHICKEN
Paul stared.
Tomas shrugged.
“Thought I might turn the front room into an inn.”
Jo gasped.
“Chicken tavern.”
“Maybe.”
Sir Kevin stood on the fence post.
“A noble establishment!”
Jimmy was already inspecting the hinges.
Paul grabbed the back of his coat.
“No.”
Jimmy looked at him.
“Could need-”
“No.”
They finally left.
The Crypt of Valdrath was six miles away.
The grave robbers had gained almost an entire day.
Paul walked quickly.
Ellie followed.
Jimmy followed Ellie.
Jo followed Jimmy.
For approximately three minutes.
Then Jo stopped.
Paul kept walking.
He stopped.
Slowly turned.
Jo was standing in a ditch.
Paul stared at her.
“What.”
Jo bent down.
She picked something up.
It glittered.
Paul closed his eyes.
“No.”
“Shiny.”
“Jo.”
“Could need.”
Jimmy looked proud.
Paul pointed down the road.
“CRYPT.”
Jo put the shiny object in her pocket.
“Coming.”
Paul started walking again.
Behind him, Ellie asked:
“What was it?”
Jo whispered:
“Dunno.”
Jimmy whispered:
“Good find.”
Paul heard both of them.
He chose peace.