Ellie Bobnobbin was good at her job.
This was important to establish before discussing her dice.
She could climb walls.
Pick locks.
Spot traps.
Move silently.
Read patrol routes.
Disappear into shadows.
Open windows from the outside.
Open doors from the wrong side.
And identify exactly which floorboard would betray you before Paul stepped on it.
“Don’t.”
Paul froze.
His boot hovered.
Ellie pointed.
“That one squeaks.”
Paul moved his foot.
Jo Mama stepped directly on it.
SQUEEEEEAK.
Everyone stopped.
Jo looked down.
“Oh.”
Ellie stared at her.
“I literally just said-”
“Was talking Paul.”
“I was talking to everyone.”
“Didn’t say everyone.”
Paul whispered:
“Jo.”
“What?”
“We are infiltrating a fortress.”
Jo whispered louder:
“Jo knows.”
“That is not quieter.”
Jo lowered her voice.
“Jo knows.”
“Still not.”
Jimmy leaned between them.
“Guard.”
Everyone stopped.
Footsteps passed beyond the wall.
The four of them pressed themselves into the shadows.
Jo was seven feet tall, muscular, wearing a purple studded tutu, and possessed roughly the same natural camouflage as a parade float.
Somehow the guard passed without noticing.
Ellie slowly turned toward the GM.
“Did he roll?”
The GM said nothing.
Ellie narrowed her eyes.
“Interesting.”
Their target was Blackstone Keep.
Their objective was the Obsidian Key.
Their plan was Ellie’s.
This was why the plan was actually good.
Ellie crouched over a charcoal sketch of the keep.
“We enter through the eastern woods.”
Paul nodded.
“Drainage wall here.”
She pointed.
“Lower courtyard during guard change.”
Another point.
“Servants’ passage.”
Another.
“Central tower.”
Then the top floor.
“Vault.”
Jimmy raised his hand.
“No looting,” Ellie said.
Jimmy lowered it.
Jo raised her hand.
Ellie sighed.
“Yes?”
“If plan goes wrong, can Jo punch?”
“If the plan goes wrong enough to require punching.”
Jo nodded.
“Good plan.”
Ellie looked at Paul.
“Anything?”
“Several things, but none that improve it.”
Ellie smiled.
“Then we go.”
Paul folded the map.
Jo whispered:
“Mission Impossible.”
Ellie looked at her.
“Improbable.”
“Why?”
Ellie held up a die.
“Because this hates me.”
“Can climb.”
Ellie looked down.
“Quietly?”
Jo considered.
“Can climb.”
“That wasn’t my question.”
Jo climbed.
Three stones came loose.
Ellie caught one.
Paul caught another with Mage Hand.
Jimmy caught the third.
They stared at Jo.
Jo whispered:
“Teamwork.”
Paul closed his eyes.
They reached the lower courtyard just before guard change.
Ellie raised one hand.
Everyone stopped.
Two guards crossed.
Then four.
Then one.
Ellie counted silently.
Waited.
Pointed.
They moved.
Across the courtyard.
Behind the stable.
Past the kitchen.
Through a narrow gap between two buildings.
No alarms.
No shouting.
No collapsing architecture.
Paul was beginning to experience hope.
He should have known better.
The servants’ passage was locked.
Ellie knelt.
She took out her tools.
Paul stood watch.
Jimmy stood watch.
Jo tried to stand watch but became distracted by a decorative shield.
Ellie inserted the pick.
Turned.
The GM placed a die in front of her.
Ellie stared at it.
“No.”
The GM waited.
“I know how locks work.”
The GM continued waiting.
Ellie picked up the die.
“If this is a three, I’m leaving.”
She rolled.
3.
Ellie stared at it.
The lockpick snapped.
Silence.
Paul looked away.
Jimmy became extremely interested in the ceiling.
Jo looked at Ellie.
Ellie held up one finger.
“No one.”
Nobody spoke.
Ellie pulled out another pick.
She closed her eyes.
Breathed.
Then listened to the lock.
Tiny movement.
Pressure.
Pins.
Click.
Click.
Click.
The door opened.
Ellie stood.
Paul smiled.
“Nicely done.”
Ellie pointed at the die.
“I am better than that.”
“Yes.”
She looked surprised.
Paul shrugged.
“You opened the door.”
Ellie looked at the broken pick.
Then at the open door.
“Yes.”
They continued.
The servants’ passage led beneath the central tower.
Ellie knew the patrol route.
Three guards above.
One below.
Kitchen staff changed shifts every twenty minutes.
The western stairwell had a blind corner.
The eastern stairwell did not.
Paul followed her without argument.
Jimmy followed Paul.
Jo followed Jimmy.
This arrangement lasted until Jo saw the decorative armor.
She stopped.
The suit stood in an alcove beside the stairs.
Polished steel.
Blue plume.
Ceremonial shield.
Jo stared.
Paul noticed.
“No.”
Jo looked at him.
“Armor.”
“Yes.”
“Pretty.”
“Yes.”
“Jo could-”
“No.”
Ellie looked around the corner.
“Guard coming.”
Jo’s eyes widened.
Paul saw the idea arrive.
“No.”
Too late.
Jo stepped into the alcove.
She stood beside the decorative armor.
Then went completely still.
Paul stared.
Jimmy stared.
Ellie stared.
The guard rounded the corner.
He looked directly at Jo.
Jo did not move.
The guard frowned.
Jo remained perfectly still.
His gaze traveled from the decorative armor-
to Jo-
to the purple studded tutu-
back to the armor.
Jo whispered:
“Armor skirt.”
The guard blinked.
Paul silently covered his face.
The guard stared another second.
Then continued walking.
Nobody moved until his footsteps disappeared.
Ellie slowly turned toward Jo.
“How?”
Jo relaxed.
“Decorative.”
“That did not answer the question.”
“Good armor.”
“You were not wearing armor.”
Jo pointed at her tutu.
“Armor skirt.”
Paul lowered his hands.
“I refuse to participate in the interpretation of what just happened.”
Jimmy nodded.
“Magic.”
“It was not magic.”
“Could be.”
“No.”
They reached the central tower.
The vault door waited at the top.
Ellie crouched beside it.
The lock was complicated.
Not impossible.
But complicated.
She smiled.
“Finally.”
Paul glanced at her.
“You’re enjoying this.”
“A little.”
She selected two picks.
Inserted them.
Listened.
The GM placed the die in front of her.
Ellie’s smile vanished.
“Why are you like this?”
The GM said nothing.
She rolled.
3.
Ellie stared at the die.
Paul looked at the ceiling.
Jimmy looked at the wall.
Jo looked at Ellie.
Ellie slowly pointed at all three of them.
“No.”
Jo nodded.
“No talk.”
“Correct.”
Ellie turned back to the lock.
The roll had not changed the mechanism.
The pins were still where they had been.
The tension still mattered.
The lock still obeyed the same rules it had obeyed before a piece of numbered plastic became involved.
Ellie adjusted the pick.
Listened.
One pin.
Two.
Three.
A false set.
Reset.
Pressure.
Turn.
CLICK.
The vault opened.
Ellie sat back.
Paul smiled.
“Three.”
Ellie looked at him.
“Yes.”
Then she looked at the die.
“I’m better.”
Inside the vault, on a pedestal beneath a glass cover, rested the Obsidian Key.
Jimmy’s eyes moved immediately toward everything else.
Gold.
Jewels.
Silver goblets.
An ornate dagger.
A tiny marble statue.
Ellie pointed at him.
“Key only.”
Jimmy sighed.
“Could need goblet.”
“No.”
“Emergency goblet.”
“No.”
Jo whispered:
“Put it in-”
Paul looked at her.
Jo stopped.
“Never mind.”
They took the key.
Nothing exploded.
No alarms sounded.
No ancient entity awakened.
Paul stared around suspiciously.
“That was too easy.”
Ellie nodded.
“Absolutely.”
Jo smiled.
“Maybe we’re good.”
The alarm bell rang.
Jo looked at Paul.
“Still good?”
“No.”
The escape became complicated.
Later, nobody could agree exactly how.
Ellie insisted the patrol schedule changed.
Paul insisted Jimmy bumped a display table.
Jimmy insisted the table was poorly placed.
Jo insisted the problem began when someone shouted “STOP.”
Regardless, guards filled the stairs.
Ellie rolled.
2.
A door jammed.
Jimmy opened another.
It was a broom closet.
Paul cast an illusion.
The illusion sneezed.
Jo tried decorative armor again.
Nobody believed her.
“Armor skirt!”
“GET THEM!”
“Rude!”
They ran.
Ellie kicked open a narrow door.
“Laundry chute.”
Paul looked down.
“No.”
Jo looked down.
“Yes.”
“No.”
Guards rounded the corner.
Ellie jumped.
Jimmy jumped.
Paul looked at Jo.
Jo smiled.
“After you.”
Paul jumped.
Jo followed.
The chute was not designed for a seven-foot half-orc.
This became obvious approximately halfway down.
There was a terrible scraping noise.
Then a crash.
Then another crash.
Then Jo emerged from the laundry room wearing three sheets, a pillowcase, and someone’s trousers over one shoulder.
Jimmy landed beside her.
He held up a sock.
Paul pointed.
“No.”
“Good sock.”
“It belongs to Blackstone Keep.”
“Could need.”
Ellie took it from him.
She tossed it into a laundry basket.
Jimmy watched it go.
“Bye sock.”
They escaped through the kitchens.
Crossed the courtyard.
Reached the drainage wall.
Dropped into the eastern woods.
Then ran until the keep disappeared behind the trees.
Nobody spoke for several minutes.
Finally Paul held up the Obsidian Key.
“Mission accomplished.”
Jo raised both arms.
“MISSION IMPROBABLE!”
Ellie was breathing too hard to argue.
Jimmy checked his bag.
Paul saw him.
“What did you take?”
“Nothing.”
“Jimmy.”
Jimmy looked offended.
“Nothing.”
Ellie narrowed her eyes.
Jimmy opened the bag.
Rope.
Chalk.
Spoon.
Corks.
No goblets.
No jewels.
No socks.
Ellie nodded.
“Good.”
Jimmy closed it.
Then reached into his pocket.
Paul’s eyes narrowed.
Jimmy slowly removed a button.
“Fell off guard.”
Ellie examined it.
“Actually fell off?”
Jimmy nodded.
“Floor.”
Paul considered.
“Fine.”
Jimmy put it in the bag.
Jo whispered:
“Could need.”
Paul pretended not to hear.
That evening, Ellie sat beside the fire, turning one of her lockpicks between her fingers.
Paul sat across from her.
“You know.”
Ellie looked up.
“What?”
“You opened every lock.”
“Broke a pick.”
“Then opened the lock.”
“Rolled two threes.”
“Then opened both locks.”
Ellie looked at the fire.
Paul continued.
“You planned the route.”
“Alarm went off.”
“We got out.”
“Laundry chute.”
“That was undignified, not unsuccessful.”
Ellie smiled slightly.
Jo called from across camp:
“ELLIE GOOD ROGUE!”
Ellie closed her eyes.
Paul nodded.
“Subtle reinforcement.”
Jimmy added:
“Good locks.”
Ellie looked at him.
“That compliment doesn’t make sense.”
Jimmy shrugged.
“Still true.”
Ellie looked down at the die beside her bedroll.
She picked it up.
Rolled.
1.
She stared at it.
Paul waited.
Ellie picked it up again.
Put it into a pouch.
Then smiled.
“Still got the key.”
Paul smiled back.
“Yes, you did.”
“Next mission Ellie plan?”
Ellie smiled.
“Obviously.”
Paul nodded.
“Obviously.”
Jimmy nodded too.
“Obviously.”
Ellie looked at the three of them.
Then at her pouch containing the terrible die.
“Good.”
She closed her eyes.
“Because I’m better than that thing.”
From inside the pouch came the faint sound of a die settling.
Ellie opened one eye.
“Don’t start.”