The Silver Stag had rules.
Most taverns did.
The Silver Stag had written theirs down.
NO FIGHTING.
NO SPELLCASTING.
NO WEAPONS ON TABLES.
NO CLIMBING THE DECORATIVE ANTLERS.
NO THROWING OTHER PATRONS.
Jo Mama read the list.
Paul watched her read it.
Then he pointed at the last rule.
“That one applies to me.”
Jo looked at him.
“You patron?”
“I am currently patronizing the establishment, yes.”
Jo nodded.
“No throw Paul.”
“Good.”
She thought.
“Unless emergency?”
Paul narrowed his eyes.
“No.”
“Big emergency?”
“No.”
“Dragon?”
“No.”
“Two dragons?”
“Jo.”
“Okay.”
The Paladin looked between them.
“Why does this require discussion?”
Ellie took a drink.
“You’ll learn.”
Jimmy was examining the decorative antlers.
Paul pointed without looking.
“No.”
Jimmy lowered his hand.
The Paladin looked at Paul.
“You do that often.”
“You’ll learn that too.”
They had come to the Silver Stag for dinner.
Only dinner.
No quest.
No ancient ruins.
No cursed artifacts.
No secret vaults.
No tiny mushroom civilizations.
Dinner.
Paul had been very clear.
For nearly eleven minutes, this worked.
Then the tavern door burst open.
A farmer stumbled inside.
“Help!”
Paul closed his eyes.
Jo stood.
“Yep.”
Paul opened one eye.
“We don’t even know what happened.”
“Help happened.”
The farmer caught his breath.
“My daughter. Bandits took her.”
Jo’s expression changed.
The silliness disappeared.
“Where?”
“North road. Six of them. They stopped our wagon and took Mara when I couldn’t pay.”
Paul stood.
Ellie was already checking her daggers.
Jimmy closed his bag.
The Paladin reached for her shield.
Paul looked around the table.
Nobody had asked whether they were going.
Of course they were going.
He sighed.
“Fine.”
Jo pointed toward the door.
“Adventure.”
Paul pointed at the abandoned dinner.
“This was supposed to be dinner.”
“Dinner later.”
Paul looked at the farmer.
“Show us where.”
The bandits had taken Mara to an abandoned hunting lodge two miles north of town.
Ellie scouted first.
Six bandits.
One front door.
One back window.
Two horses.
Mara was upstairs.
Paul drew the layout in the dirt.
“We go quietly.”
Jo nodded.
“Quiet.”
“No kicking doors.”
“Yep.”
“No shouting.”
“Yep.”
“No improvised projectiles.”
Jo looked at him.
Paul looked back.
Jo sighed.
“Yep.”
The Paladin pointed toward the lodge.
“We should give them a chance to surrender.”
Ellie nodded.
“After Mara is safe.”
“Agreed.”
Jimmy held up rope.
Paul stared.
“For once, that is exactly the correct object.”
Jimmy looked pleased.
Ellie entered through the back window.
She found Mara upstairs.
The girl was twelve.
Terrified, but unharmed.
Ellie cut the rope around her wrists.
“Your father sent us.”
Mara looked at her.
“Are you a hero?”
Ellie considered.
“Currently.”
Downstairs, the Paladin knocked on the front door.
Paul stared at her.
“You knocked?”
“Yes.”
“This is a hostage rescue.”
“They still deserve the opportunity to surrender.”
Jo whispered:
“Very lawful.”
The door opened.
A bandit looked out.
The Paladin smiled politely.
“You are holding a child against her will.”
The bandit blinked.
“Yes?”
“Release her, return what you stole, and surrender peacefully.”
The bandit stared.
Then laughed.
The Paladin sighed.
“I did ask.”
Jo grinned.
“Punch now?”
The Paladin drew her sword.
“Now.”
Jo hit the door.
Paul flinched.
The door left.
Technically, Jo had not kicked it.
Paul decided not to litigate.
The fight lasted less than three minutes.
One bandit surrendered immediately.
Two surrendered after Jo picked up a table.
One attempted to escape through the kitchen and encountered Jimmy holding rope for reasons that finally became clear.
The fifth ran upstairs.
Ellie tripped him.
The sixth-the leader-escaped through a side window.
Mara was safe.
The stolen money was recovered.
The Paladin bound the prisoners.
Jimmy looked at the money.
The Paladin looked at Jimmy.
Jimmy looked away from the money.
Progress.
They returned Mara to her father.
He cried.
Mara cried.
Jo cried because they were crying.
Then denied it.
“Eye sweat.”
Paul did not argue.
The town watch collected the prisoners.
The captain assured them the escaped leader would be found.
Paul should have recognized this as foreshadowing.
Instead, they returned to the Silver Stag.
Their food was cold.
Jo did not care.
“Dinner later happened.”
“Yes.”
Paul sat.
The Paladin sat.
Ellie sat.
Jimmy sat.
For the first time that evening, everything was quiet.
Then Ellie looked toward the bar.
“Oh.”
Paul followed her gaze.
The escaped bandit leader was standing near the rear door.
He had apparently returned to town by a different route.
He saw them.
They saw him.
Everyone froze.
The bandit moved first.
He grabbed the nearest patron and shoved him aside.
Then he ran toward the stairs.
The Paladin stood.
“Stop!”
The bandit did not.
Ellie jumped onto a table.
Jimmy grabbed his rope.
Jo rose.
Paul began casting.
The bandit kicked a chair behind him.
Paul dodged.
Jo looked at Paul.
Paul knew that look.
“No.”
Jo kept looking.
“No.”
The bandit reached the stairs.
Jo looked at the distance.
Then at Paul.
Then at the bandit.
Paul followed her gaze.
The stairwell was narrow.
The bandit had a head start.
Ellie’s path was blocked by overturned chairs.
The Paladin could not reach him in time.
Paul could.
Possibly.
Jo raised one hand.
“Fastball?”
Paul stared at her.
The bandit was nearly at the landing.
Paul looked at the angle.
The distance.
The decorative antlers mounted above the stairs.
Then at Jo.
He hated this.
“Controlled throw.”
Jo’s eyes widened.
“Really?”
“Do not make me regret this.”
Jo immediately crouched.
Paul pointed at her.
“Wait.”
Jo froze.
“Conditions.”
“Yep.”
“You throw where I tell you.”
“Yep.”
“Not as hard as you can.”
Jo looked slightly disappointed.
“Yep.”
“You stop if I say stop.”
“Yep.”
“And this does not mean you may throw me whenever you want.”
“Yep.”
Paul inhaled.
Then held out his arms.
“Throw me.”
Jo grinned.
The Paladin turned.
“What?”
Ellie shouted:
“MOVE!”
Jo grabbed Paul.
Paul pointed.
“Landing!”
Jo pivoted.
The bandit reached the top stair.
Paul reconsidered several life choices.
“NOW!”
Jo threw him.
Paul flew.
There are moments in a wizard’s career that become defining.
The first successful spell.
The first great discovery.
The first time ancient magic answers your command.
This was not one of those moments.
Paul crossed the tavern at approximately gnome height plus poor judgment.
The bandit turned.
His eyes widened.
Paul cast midair.
A burst of force struck the wall beside the bandit.
The bandit ducked.
Paul missed him.
Then Paul hit the decorative antlers.
The antlers broke.
Paul swung downward with them.
The bandit looked up.
“Wh-”
Paul, antlers, and bandit collided.
All three disappeared down the stairs.
CRASH.
Silence.
Jo stared.
The Paladin stared.
Ellie stared.
Jimmy stared.
The tavern keeper stared.
Paul’s voice came from beneath the wreckage.
“I’m alive.”
Jo threw both fists into the air.
“FASTBALL SPECIAL!”
Paul’s hand appeared.
“Do not celebrate yet.”
The bandit groaned.
Ellie ran over.
She pulled him from beneath the antlers and tied his wrists.
The Paladin helped Paul stand.
“Are you injured?”
Paul checked himself.
“No.”
Jo hurried over.
“Paul good?”
Paul brushed dust from his robes.
“Yes.”
Jo smiled.
“Good throw?”
Paul looked at the broken antlers.
Then at the unconscious bandit.
Then at Jo.
“Tactically successful.”
Jo gasped.
“GOOD THROW.”
“I did not say that.”
“Paul said good throw.”
“I absolutely did not.”
The tavern keeper stepped forward.
Everyone stopped.
He looked at the broken stairs.
The overturned tables.
The shattered chairs.
The missing antlers.
Then at Jo.
Then Paul.
Then the unconscious bandit.
He pointed toward the door.
“Out.”
The Paladin raised one hand.
“In fairness-”
“Out.”
“We did capture-”
“OUT.”
Paul nodded.
“Reasonable.”
Jo looked heartbroken.
“But dinner.”
The tavern keeper pointed.
“OUT.”
Jimmy quietly picked up one of the broken antler tips.
Paul saw him.
“Put it down.”
Jimmy did.
They left.
The bandit went to jail.
Mara went home.
The Silver Stag added six names to a list behind the bar.
Paul saw the list before the door closed.
“Excellent.”
Jo looked at him.
“What?”
“We’re banned.”
Jo stopped.
“Forever?”
“Probably.”
“Even dinner?”
“Especially dinner.”
Jo looked devastated.
The Paladin sighed.
“We saved a child.”
“Yes.”
“Captured six bandits.”
“Yes.”
“Returned stolen property.”
“Yes.”
“And we’re banned from the tavern.”
“Yes.”
She thought.
“That seems unfair.”
Paul smiled.
“You’re learning.”
They camped outside town.
Jo sat across from Paul.
She had been unusually quiet.
Paul noticed.
“What?”
Jo looked at him.
“Throw okay?”
Paul paused.
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Not mad?”
“No.”
Jo looked relieved.
Paul set down his cup.
“But we should establish something.”
Jo nodded.
“When I say no, you don’t throw me.”
“Yep.”
“When I say yes, it is for that specific situation.”
“Yep.”
“You ask first.”
“Yep.”
“And I can change my mind before you throw me.”
Jo nodded.
“Yep.”
Paul considered.
“And there needs to be an actual reason.”
Jo frowned.
“Fun reason?”
“No.”
“Funny reason?”
“No.”
“Paul flying reason?”
“No.”
“Tactical reason.”
“Yes.”
Jo thought.
“Emergency?”
“Potentially.”
“Dragon?”
Paul sighed.
“Potentially.”
“Two dragons?”
“Still potentially.”
Jo smiled.
Paul pointed at her.
“This is not blanket permission.”
“Jo know.”
Paul studied her.
She seemed sincere.
“Good.”
Jo leaned back.
“Paul not ammunition.”
Paul blinked.
“Yes.”
“Paul sometimes throwable wizard with permission?”
Paul closed his eyes.
He considered correcting the phrase.
Then decided this was progress.
“Potentially.”
Jo grinned.
Across the fire, Ellie whispered to the Paladin:
“That went better than expected.”
The Paladin whispered back:
“Why was this conversation necessary?”
Ellie smiled.
“You’re learning.”
“Because it would be funny” is not a tactical reason.
Jo has appealed this ruling.
The next morning, they passed the Silver Stag.
A new sign hung beside the door.
NO FIGHTING.
NO SPELLCASTING.
NO WEAPONS ON TABLES.
NO CLIMBING THE DECORATIVE ANTLERS.
NO THROWING OTHER PATRONS.
NO THROWING PARTY MEMBERS.
Jo pointed.
“Us.”
Paul nodded.
“Us.”
The Paladin looked at the sign.
“They changed the rules because of us.”
Ellie smiled.
“Achievement.”
Jimmy examined the new sign.
“Good wood.”
Paul pointed down the road.
“No.”
Jimmy followed.
Jo looked back at the tavern.
“Still good dinner.”
Paul sighed.
“It was cold.”
“Still good.”
They walked on.
After a few steps, Jo looked down at Paul.
“Paul?”
“No.”
“Didn’t ask yet.”
“No.”
Jo smiled.
“Okay.”
Paul looked up at her.
She kept walking.
He smiled too.
Slightly.