There were five hundred enemy soldiers in the valley.
Paul counted.
Then counted again.
Then lowered the spyglass.
“Five hundred.”
Jo Mama stood beside him on the wall.
“That’s a lot.”
“Yes.”
“More than us.”
“Considerably.”
Jo looked behind them.
Greyhaven had eighty soldiers.
Some were injured.
Some were old.
Several had been handed spears that morning.
The eastern gate had already been damaged in an earlier attack.
Reinforcements were three days away.
The army below would reach the walls before sunset.
Jo looked back at the valley.
“Who’s boss?”
Paul pointed through the morning haze.
A mounted officer sat beneath a gray banner near the center of the enemy formation.
“General Sterevan.”
“Steve.”
“Sterevan.”
“Steve.”
“His name is not Steve.”
Jo shrugged.
“Looks Steve.”
Paul looked through the spyglass again.
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Steve.”
Paul gave up.
The Greyhaven commander spread a map across the war-room table.
“We cannot hold the walls.”
The Paladin frowned.
“How long?”
“Against that force? An hour. Perhaps two.”
Ellie studied the map.
“Evacuation?”
“Not enough time. The eastern road is already blocked.”
Jimmy stood beside a supply shelf.
The commander noticed.
“Don’t touch anything.”
Jimmy lowered his hand.
“Wasn’t.”
Paul looked at him.
Jimmy added:
“Yet.”
The commander turned back to the map.
“We hold as long as we can.”
Jo stared at the little wooden markers.
Five hundred enemy soldiers.
Eighty defenders.
Cavalry.
Siege engine.
River.
Hill.
Road.
Gate.
She did not speak.
Paul noticed.
This was not Jo’s hurt silence.
He had learned that one.
This was the other kind.
Jo picked up one of the cavalry markers.
Moved it.
Then moved it back.
She touched the river.
“Ground wet?”
The commander nodded.
“Near the western bank. We’ve had rain all week.”
Jo looked at the cavalry.
Then the bank.
Then the road.
“Horse heavy.”
Paul glanced at her.
“Yes.”
Jo moved the cavalry toward the river.
“Horse run here?”
“If they try to flank the western wall.”
“They will.”
The commander frowned.
“How do you know?”
Jo pointed at the map.
“Gate bad.”
Then at the eastern approach.
“Looks easy.”
She pointed west.
“But shiny there.”
The Paladin looked up.
“Shiny?”
Jo pointed at her.
“You.”
The Paladin blinked.
“Me?”
“Armor shiny.”
Paul’s mouth twitched.
Jo moved the Paladin’s marker west.
“Steve see Paladin. Think important.”
The Paladin stared at her.
“I am important.”
“Yep.”
Jo smiled.
“Very shiny important.”
The Paladin closed her eyes.
Paul leaned over the map.
“You want them to think we’re reinforcing the western wall.”
Jo nodded.
“So cavalry shifts west.”
“Yep.”
“Into the wet ground.”
“Yep.”
The commander leaned closer.
Jo pointed at Paul.
“Paul make wetter.”
Paul frowned.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Magic.”
“Oh.”
Jo mimed an explosion with both hands.
“River go squish.”
Paul looked at the bank.
Then the slope.
Then the saturated ground.
His expression changed.
“I could collapse part of the bank.”
Jo nodded vigorously.
“Gross.”
“What?”
“Mud wizard.”
Ellie snorted.
Paul ignored her.
Jo moved to the road.
“Jimmy.”
Jimmy looked up.
“Make road bad.”
Jimmy nodded immediately.
“Can do.”
Paul stared at both of them.
“Could we define bad?”
Jimmy considered.
“Very.”
“That is not a definition.”
Jo pointed at the siege engine.
“Ellie.”
Ellie studied it.
A heavy counterweight trebuchet.
Protected by infantry.
Too far behind the lines for a direct assault once the battle began.
She looked at Jo.
“You want it broken before they attack.”
Jo nodded.
“Can?”
Ellie smiled.
“Yes.”
Paul looked at the commander.
The commander was staring at Jo.
Jo moved the last markers.
Then pointed at the damaged eastern gate.
“Leave open.”
The commander’s head snapped up.
“No.”
Jo nodded.
“Yep.”
“That is our weakest point.”
“Yep.”
“They’ll come straight through.”
Jo smiled.
“Yep.”
Paul looked at the map.
Then at Jo.
Then back at the map.
“Oh.”
The Paladin saw it next.
“We make them choose the weak point.”
Jo nodded.
“Not weak.”
She tapped the gate.
“Looks weak.”
Then she pointed at the narrow streets immediately inside.
“Squish.”
Paul looked at her.
“You want to control where they enter.”
Jo nodded.
“Too many people bad if spread.”
She pushed the enemy markers together.
“Make all same place.”
Ellie leaned over the table.
“Then hit the sides.”
Jo pointed at her.
“Yep.”
The commander stared at the map.
“This could work.”
Paul looked at Jo.
Jo looked at him.
“Good?”
Paul smiled slowly.
“Potentially.”
Jo grinned.
“Good.”
The commander began issuing orders.
Paul caught Jo’s wrist before she left.
“One question.”
“What?”
“What are you doing?”
Jo pointed at herself.
“Jo.”
“Yes. I had gathered that.”
She pointed at the eastern gate.
“Jo there.”
Paul looked at the map.
At the deliberately exposed entrance.
At the mass of enemy markers they were trying to funnel directly toward it.
Then at Jo.
“No.”
Jo smiled.
“Yep.”
“Jo.”
“Need bait.”
“We have other options.”
“Not better bait.”
Paul opened his mouth.
Stopped.
Unfortunately, she had a point.
Jo patted his shoulder.
“Jo good bait.”
“That is not reassuring.”
“Big.”
“Yes.”
“Loud.”
“Yes.”
“Purple.”
Paul looked at the tutu.
“Yes.”
“Steve see.”
“I am certain Steve will see.”
Jo nodded.
“Good.”
She walked away.
Paul watched her go.
The commander leaned toward him.
“Does she always plan like this?”
Paul considered.
“No.”
Then:
“Yes.”
Then:
“I’m beginning to suspect she does and simply doesn’t tell us.”
1. Make western defense look important.
2. Encourage cavalry to flank west.
3. Turn western approach into mud.
4. Sabotage siege engine.
5. Make eastern road “bad.”
6. Leave damaged eastern gate apparently vulnerable.
7. Funnel enemy center into narrow approach.
8. Attack compressed formation from multiple sides.
9. Put Jo Mama in front of it.
Step Nine was not discussed with adequate procedural oversight.
Ellie left before noon.
She returned two hours later.
Paul looked up.
“Well?”
Ellie held up a small metal pin.
“Siege engine has one fewer of these.”
Paul stared.
“Is that important?”
“Eventually.”
Jo gasped.
“Jimmy lesson.”
Jimmy nodded approvingly.
“Could need.”
Ellie put the pin in her pocket.
“Not for long.”
Jimmy looked disappointed.
On the western road, Jimmy built traps.
Nothing lethal.
Mostly.
Rope.
Loose stones.
Logs.
One suspiciously positioned cart.
Paul inspected the work.
“Will this stop an army?”
Jimmy shook his head.
“Make road bad.”
Paul sighed.
“Of course.”
The Paladin assembled Greyhaven’s strongest visible defenders along the western wall.
Sunlight flashed from her armor.
Jo squinted from across the courtyard.
“Very shiny.”
The Paladin heard her.
“Please stop calling me that.”
“Good shiny.”
“That does not improve it.”
Paul spent the afternoon studying the riverbank.
Jo found him ankle-deep in mud.
“Grossmancer.”
Paul looked up.
“What?”
“Wizard of Squish.”
“No.”
“Lord Mud.”
“No.”
“Paul, Breaker of Dry Socks.”
“Leave.”
Jo smiled.
Paul pointed toward the city.
“Go be bait somewhere else.”
Jo started walking.
Then turned.
“Paul.”
“Yes?”
“Scared?”
Paul looked at the army.
“Yes.”
Jo nodded.
“Me too.”
Paul paused.
Jo shrugged.
“Means not dumb.”
The Paladin, passing nearby, heard her.
“So am I.”
Jo looked at her.
“Good.”
“Good?”
“Means not dumb.”
The Paladin laughed.
“Apparently fear is lawful.”
“Very lawful.”
“Don’t start.”
The army advanced at sunset.
Five hundred soldiers moved through the valley.
Drums echoed from the hills.
The cavalry shifted west.
Exactly as Jo predicted.
The commander looked at her.
Jo looked back.
“Shiny.”
The Paladin heard.
“Please stop calling me that.”
The cavalry charged.
Paul waited.
Closer.
Closer.
Closer.
“Now.”
Magic struck the riverbank.
Water surged through already saturated soil.
The first horses hit the mud.
They slowed.
The next rank crashed into them.
The formation compressed.
Behind them, infantry crowded the road.
Jo looked toward Jimmy.
Jimmy pulled the rope.
The road became bad.
Very bad.
Logs rolled.
Rocks fell.
One small tree gave up entirely and landed across the path.
Nobody was crushed.
Several soldiers reconsidered their careers.
The siege engine fired.
Once.
Twice.
On the third load, Ellie’s loosened retaining pin failed.
The counterweight twisted.
The throwing arm snapped sideways.
The machine collapsed into itself.
Ellie, safely back on the wall, smiled.
“Three.”
Paul looked at her.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
The enemy center stalled.
The western assault bogged down.
The siege engine was destroyed.
General Sterevan saw exactly what Jo wanted him to see.
The eastern gate.
Damaged.
Under-defended.
Open.
He raised his sword.
The center advanced.
Jo stood alone outside it.
Paul looked down from the wall.
“Why is she alone?”
The commander looked at him.
“I assumed that was part of the plan.”
Paul stared.
“You assumed?”
Jo rolled her shoulders.
Paul’s eyes widened.
“Oh no.”
The Paladin looked across the wall.
“What?”
Paul pointed.
“That’s the part of the plan she didn’t explain.”
Below them, Jo smiled.
“Hi, Steve!”
General Sterevan reined in his horse.
“Who are you?”
“Jo Mama.”
A soldier laughed.
Jo looked at him.
He stopped.
Sterevan raised his sword.
“Move.”
“Nope.”
“You stand alone.”
Jo looked up at the wall.
Paul.
Ellie.
Jimmy.
The Paladin.
Eighty defenders.
Then back at the army.
“Nope.”
Sterevan frowned.
Jo smiled.
“Got friends.”
The first twenty soldiers charged.
Jo entered a Frenzy.
There were moments when Jo Mama fought like a person.
This was not one of them.
She hit the first shield hard enough to spin its owner sideways.
Duck.
Turn.
Elbow.
Kick.
Shoulder.
She moved before openings fully existed.
Not elegant.
Not graceful.
Precise in a language built from momentum.
A sword came from the right.
Jo shifted.
The blade missed.
The attacker did not.
Another soldier lunged.
Jo caught his arm, turned with him, and introduced him to two of his friends.
“Sorry!”
Paul watched from the wall.
“Why did she apologize?”
Ellie shrugged.
“Polite Frenzy.”
The center pushed forward.
That was the point.
They compressed around Jo.
Too many soldiers.
Too little space.
Their numbers stopped helping.
The defenders opened the eastern gate.
The Paladin led the charge from the side.
Paul’s spells struck from the wall.
Ellie fired from above.
Jimmy’s remaining traps turned retreat routes into confusion.
Greyhaven’s soldiers surged forward.
The enemy formation folded inward.
The plan worked.
Then Steve charged.
Jo saw the horse.
Saw the speed.
Saw the angle.
Saw the general lower his weapon.
She waited.
Paul shouted from the wall.
“JO!”
Jo waited.
The horse reached her.
She stepped aside.
Caught Sterevan.
Used his own momentum.
And threw the general directly into a stack of grain sacks.
WHUMP.
Silence.
Jo looked at the sacks.
“Steve?”
A muffled voice answered:
“My name is Sterevan.”
Jo smiled.
“Steve okay.”
The enemy army saw their general disappear into grain.
They saw the ruined siege engine.
The trapped cavalry.
The blocked road.
Greyhaven’s defenders surrounding the center.
One soldier dropped his weapon.
Then another.
Then dozens.
The battle ended.
Five hundred soldiers had entered the valley.
Jo Mama did not defeat five hundred soldiers.
That was how the story would eventually be told.
It was also wrong.
Ellie broke the siege engine.
Jimmy broke the road.
Paul broke the riverbank.
The Paladin held the western defense and led the counterattack.
Eighty Greyhaven soldiers fought for their homes.
Jo saw where all of them needed to be.
Then stood where the enemy needed her most.
That was different.
And better.
Afterward, Paul found her sitting against the damaged gate.
Her lip was split.
One eye was swelling.
Her arms were bruised.
There was blood on her shoulder.
Paul crouched.
“Are you hurt?”
Jo looked down at herself.
“Little.”
“That is not little.”
“Medium.”
The Paladin arrived with bandages.
“Hold still.”
Jo held still.
Mostly.
The commander approached.
He looked at Jo.
“You saved Greyhaven.”
Jo shook her head.
“Team did.”
The commander smiled.
“You planned it.”
“Team did.”
Jo pointed.
“Ellie broke big spoon.”
“Siege engine,” Ellie corrected from nearby.
“Jimmy made road bad.”
Jimmy nodded proudly.
“Paul Grossmancer.”
Paul sighed.
“And Paladin shiny.”
The Paladin closed her eyes.
“Please stop.”
Jo looked at the soldiers around them.
“Everybody.”
The commander nodded.
“Everybody.”
That night, Greyhaven held a feast.
The children who had been hiding in cellars came outside.
Families reunited.
Soldiers ate until they could barely move.
Someone handed Jo an enormous plate.
She accepted it solemnly.
“Hero food.”
Paul sat beside her.
Jo nudged him.
“Grossmancer.”
“I knew agreeing once would be a mistake.”
“Powerful title.”
“I am an accomplished wizard.”
“Wizard of Squish.”
Paul took a drink.
Jo grinned.
Then she became quiet.
Across the square, children were playing.
Safe.
Paul noticed where she was looking.
“You did well today.”
Jo shrugged.
“Team did.”
“Yes.”
Paul smiled.
“The team did.”
Jo nodded.
That answer seemed to satisfy her.
Please stop telling her she has no tactical intelligence.
She is beginning to believe you.
The next morning, Greyhaven’s council presented the party with ceremonial silver serving utensils.
Jo admired hers.
Paul thanked the council.
Ellie tucked hers carefully away.
The Paladin bowed.
Jimmy stared at his ceremonial silver serving spoon.
The Paladin stared at Jimmy.
Jimmy slowly moved the spoon away from his bag.
“Gift,” he whispered.
“Yes,” the Paladin said. “This one is actually yours.”
Jimmy brightened.
He put it in the bag.
Jo leaned toward him.
“Could need.”
Jimmy nodded.
Paul heard them.
“It’s a ceremonial serving spoon.”
Jo whispered:
“Emergency ceremony.”
Jimmy nodded again.
Paul started walking.
“I refuse.”
Jo followed.
“Put it in the bag.”
Jimmy followed.
“Put it in the bag.”
Ellie joined them, laughing.
The Paladin sighed and followed too.
Behind them, Greyhaven still stood.
Ahead of them, the road continued.
And somewhere along it, there was almost certainly another perfectly simple problem waiting to become an adventure.