Ellie Bobnobbin had never rolled a natural twenty.
At least, nobody remembered seeing it.
Ellie certainly didn't.
She remembered the threes.
She remembered the twos.
She remembered the time she rolled a one while attempting to identify whether a door was locked and somehow dropped her lockpicks beneath the door.
She remembered Blackstone Keep.
Two threes.
Successful mission anyway.
She remembered Blackstone Fortress.
A seven at the vault.
Opened it anyway.
Skill.
That was the problem with Ellie's dice.
They had never been a reliable measure of Ellie.
Unfortunately, they were extremely reliable at being terrible.
But today was different.
Today would be the day everyone remembered.
Mostly because Jo Mama would never let anybody forget it.
The ruins had once been a city.
Paul could tell from the road.
Broken towers rose from the sand.
Stone arches stood without walls.
Half-buried streets vanished beneath dunes.
At the center, a palace leaned toward the earth as though exhausted.
Jo stared.
“Big.”
“Used to be bigger,” Paul said.
“What happened?”
“According to the records, the kingdom of Arresh disappeared almost eight hundred years ago.”
“Everybody?”
“Apparently.”
Jo frowned.
“That’s bad.”
“Yes.”
Jimmy crouched beside a broken milestone.
“Good stone.”
The Paladin looked at him.
“We are not taking the ancient kingdom.”
Jimmy stood.
“Too big.”
Paul looked at him.
“That was not permission to take smaller parts.”
Jimmy sighed.
Their objective was an artifact called the Star of Arresh.
A scholar believed it remained inside the ruined palace.
The Star was supposedly a ceremonial object.
Possibly magical.
Definitely valuable.
And, according to three separate historical accounts, protected by something described only as:
THE GUARDIAN.
Jo liked that part.
The Paladin did not.
Luviana looked at Paul.
“What kind of guardian?”
“No idea.”
“Construct?”
“Possibly.”
“Undead?”
“Possibly.”
“Spirit?”
“Possibly.”
Jo smiled.
“Big?”
Paul folded the map.
“With our luck?”
Ellie looked at him.
“Your luck.”
Paul corrected himself.
“With Ellie’s luck.”
“Better.”
“No.”
Paul looked at her.
“You said that about the empty room.”
“Was right.”
“You were not.”
“Still debating.”
“No one is debating.”
Jimmy peered down the shaft.
“Could widen.”
Paul pointed at him.
“Do not give her demolition ideas.”
Too late.
Jo put both hands on the cracked stone.
The Paladin grabbed one wrist.
“Carefully.”
Jo looked at her.
“Yep.”
“Carefully means we don’t collapse eight hundred years of architecture on ourselves.”
Jo nodded.
“Gentle break.”
Paul sighed.
“Somehow that’s worse.”
Jo removed three stones.
Only three.
The opening widened enough.
Paul stared.
“That was actually controlled.”
Jo grinned.
“Jo learn.”
Luviana smiled.
“You do.”
Jo looked absurdly pleased.
Inside, the palace was cool and dark.
Murals covered the walls.
Kings.
Queens.
Battles.
A city beneath a sky filled with painted stars.
Jimmy reached toward a loose mosaic tile.
The Paladin said:
“Jimmy.”
His hand stopped.
“Loose.”
“Still part of the palace.”
“Could fall.”
“Then leave it on the floor.”
Jimmy looked at the tile.
Then at her.
Then carefully pressed it back into place.
Paul blinked.
“Was that growth?”
Jimmy frowned.
“Temporary.”
They continued.
The first trap appeared halfway down the eastern hall.
Ellie found it.
A thin wire crossed the floor.
She crouched.
“Pressure release.”
Paul looked at the ceiling.
Stone blocks.
“Unpleasant.”
The GM placed a die in front of Ellie.
Ellie stared.
“No.”
The GM waited.
Ellie sighed.
She rolled.
3.
Jo looked at the die.
Then at Ellie.
Ellie took out her tools.
“Don’t.”
Jo closed her mouth.
Ellie adjusted the wire.
Wedged the trigger.
Released the pressure.
Click.
Nothing fell.
Ellie stood.
“Three.”
Paul nodded.
“Still disarmed.”
“Obviously.”
Jo grinned.
“Good rogue.”
Ellie smiled.
“Obviously.”
The second trap was a collapsing stair.
Ellie rolled a 4.
She found the safe stones anyway.
The third was a dart mechanism.
She rolled a 2.
She jammed it with a copper pin.
The fourth was a false door.
She rolled a 5.
She noticed the hinges were decorative before anyone touched it.
Paul watched her work.
“You know, at some point we could simply stop rolling.”
Ellie looked toward the GM.
The GM looked away.
Ellie sighed.
“Thought so.”
They reached the throne room.
Four stone pedestals surrounded a circular floor.
At the center stood a sealed door.
Each pedestal bore a symbol.
A fist.
A sun.
An eye.
A die.
Paul translated the inscription beneath them.
“Four virtues open the path.”
Jo pointed at the fist.
“Bonk.”
“Strength.”
“Bonk strength.”
The Paladin stepped toward the sun.
“Faith.”
Luviana examined the eye.
“Wisdom.”
Everyone looked at the die.
Then at Ellie.
Ellie stared back.
“No.”
Paul smiled.
“Fortune.”
“No.”
Jo patted Ellie’s shoulder.
“Good luck.”
Ellie slowly looked at her.
Jo realized.
“Sorry.”
Each pedestal required a test.
Jo’s was first.
A stone bar rose from the floor.
She lifted it.
The pedestal glowed.
Jo smiled.
“Bonk.”
“Strength,” Paul corrected.
“Strength bonk.”
The Paladin placed her hand against the sun.
Light spread beneath her fingers.
The second pedestal glowed.
Luviana approached the eye.
An inscription appeared.
She read it.
Then answered:
“The wound you cannot see.”
Paul raised an eyebrow.
The eye glowed.
Jo whispered:
“What question?”
Luviana smiled.
“Wisdom.”
Jo nodded as though this explained everything.
Then everyone looked at Ellie.
The die pedestal waited.
Ellie approached.
A stone d20 rose from its surface.
She stared.
“You have got to be kidding me.”
Paul leaned closer.
“Apparently not.”
“What do I do?”
Words appeared beneath the stone.
CAST FORTUNE.
Ellie looked at the GM.
The GM placed a die in front of her.
Ellie stared.
“No.”
The GM smiled.
Ellie picked it up.
“Fine.”
She rolled.
The die bounced once.
Twice.
Stopped.
20.
Nobody moved.
Ellie stared.
Paul stared.
The Paladin stared.
Luviana stared.
Jimmy stared.
Jo stared hardest.
Ellie leaned closer.
“No.”
Paul whispered:
“Twenty.”
Ellie picked up the die.
Turned it.
Set it down again.
Still twenty.
Jo inhaled.
Paul pointed at her.
“Do not scream.”
Jo clamped both hands over her mouth.
Her eyes were enormous.
The Fortune pedestal blazed with light.
The four symbols ignited.
The sealed door opened.
And something beneath the palace woke up.
A sound rolled through the floor.
BOOOOOOM.
Dust fell from the ceiling.
Ellie slowly looked at the die.
“I knew it.”
Paul frowned.
“Knew what?”
“Twenty’s bad.”
The wall behind the throne exploded.
A hand came through.
A very large hand.
Jo’s face lit up.
“Guardian.”
The Guardian stepped into the throne room.
Forty feet tall.
Stone and gold.
Four arms.
A faceless helm.
Ancient runes burning across its chest.
Paul stared upward.
“Yes.”
Jo grinned.
“Big.”
“Yes.”
“Very big.”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
“No.”
The Guardian moved.
Jo charged.
“JO!”
Too late.
She hit its ankle.
The Guardian looked down.
Jo looked up.
“Hi.”
One enormous foot moved.
Paul’s face changed.
“MOVE!”
Jo moved.
Not enough.
The Guardian kicked her.
Jo flew across the throne room.
She hit a broken pillar.
Then the floor.
And did not get up.
Everything changed.
“JO!”
Paul ran.
Luviana reached her first.
The Guardian turned.
The Paladin stepped between it and Jo.
Shield raised.
“Paul!”
“I’m here.”
Luviana dropped beside Jo.
Blood ran from Jo’s temple.
Her breathing was shallow.
“Jo?”
Nothing.
Luviana put both hands over her.
Light gathered.
“She’s alive.”
Paul exhaled.
“Can you heal her?”
“Yes.”
“How long?”
“Longer than I want.”
The Guardian stepped forward.
The Paladin met it.
Her shield rang like a bell.
She slid backward across the floor.
Paul cast.
Lightning struck the Guardian’s chest.
Nothing.
Jimmy threw a metal spike.
Nothing.
Ellie stared.
Not at the whole Guardian.
At the leg.
The knee.
The movement.
Again.
There.
A seam.
“Paul.”
He looked.
“Behind the left knee.”
“What?”
“Armor seam.”
The Guardian raised one arm.
The Paladin barely avoided it.
Ellie ran.
Paul shouted:
“ELLIE!”
She jumped onto fallen masonry.
Then the broken throne.
Then the Guardian’s leg.
It moved.
Ellie held on.
Jimmy stared.
“Good rogue.”
Paul stared too.
“Yes.”
Ellie climbed.
The Guardian reached for her.
She swung around the leg.
Its hand missed.
The Paladin struck the opposite ankle.
“Keep moving!”
Ellie reached the knee.
Found the seam.
Drove a lockpick into it.
Twisted.
Nothing.
She changed tools.
Thin blade.
Pressure.
Turn.
CLICK.
The armor plate opened.
Inside, violet light pulsed through a crystal conduit.
Ellie stared.
“There you are.”
Paul saw it.
“Break the crystal!”
Ellie drew her dagger.
The Guardian moved.
The open seam began to close.
Ellie had one chance.
The GM placed the die in front of her.
Ellie looked at it.
“You cannot be serious.”
The GM waited.
Ellie looked toward Jo.
Still unconscious.
Luviana still healing.
The Paladin barely holding the Guardian.
Paul preparing another spell.
Jimmy-
Jimmy had somehow acquired part of the broken throne.
No time.
Ellie picked up the die.
“Fine.”
She rolled.
20.
Silence.
Again.
Twenty.
Ellie looked at it.
“Oh, come on.”
Then she drove the dagger into the conduit.
The crystal shattered.
The Guardian stopped.
Every rune went dark.
For one impossible second, forty feet of ancient stone stood perfectly still.
Then it fell.
“MOVE!” Paul screamed.
Everyone moved.
Luviana could not.
She was still over Jo.
The Guardian came down toward them.
Ellie’s face went white.
“JO!”
The broken throne shifted beneath the Guardian’s foot.
Just enough.
Its weight twisted.
One enormous stone hand crashed into the floor.
Inches from Jo.
Dust filled the chamber.
Silence.
Then coughing.
Paul pushed himself upright.
“Everyone?”
“Here,” said the Paladin.
“Here,” Luviana answered.
Jimmy emerged from behind part of the throne.
“Here.”
Ellie slid down the Guardian’s leg.
“Here.”
Paul looked at Jo.
Luviana’s hands still glowed.
Jo inhaled sharply.
Her eyes opened.
“OW.”
Everyone exhaled at once.
Luviana pressed a hand against her shoulder.
“Do not move.”
Jo blinked.
“Guardian?”
“Dead.”
“Undead?”
“Not that kind of dead.”
“Good.”
Paul crouched.
“Ellie disabled it.”
Jo looked at Ellie.
“Really?”
Ellie shrugged.
“Maybe.”
Paul held up the die.
“Natural twenty.”
Jo gasped.
“No.”
Ellie smiled.
“Twice.”
Jo sat up too fast.
Luviana pushed her back down.
“Stay.”
“ELLIE TWENTY!”
“Yes.”
“TWICE!”
“Yes.”
“EVERYBODY!”
Paul winced.
“We are all standing here.”
“ELLIE ROLLED TWENTY!”
The Paladin laughed.
Jimmy nodded.
“Good rock.”
“Die,” Ellie said.
Jimmy shrugged.
Jo opened her arms.
“Hug?”
Ellie looked at her.
Jo was bruised.
Bandaged.
Still lying on the floor.
Still waiting.
Ellie smiled.
“Fine.”
Jo hugged her.
Carefully.
Mostly.
“Ellie saved Jo.”
Ellie’s smile faded into something softer.
“Yeah.”
“Good rogue.”
“Yeah.”
“Best rogue.”
Ellie looked away.
“Don’t make it weird.”
Jo hugged her slightly tighter.
“Already weird.”
Ellie laughed.
“Fair.”
The Star of Arresh rested in the chamber beyond the Guardian.
It was smaller than Jo expected.
A golden star-shaped object no larger than Paul’s hand, set around a deep blue stone.
Jimmy looked at it.
Then at the Paladin.
The Paladin inspected the scholar’s authorization papers.
Then nodded.
Jimmy picked up the Star.
Put it in the bag.
The Paladin explicitly approved this.
Jimmy looked unbearably pleased.
They rested in the ruined throne room.
Jo ate a sandwich.
Luviana had insisted.
Paul looked at her.
“You were unconscious ten minutes ago.”
Jo took another bite.
“Hungry.”
“That is not how recovery works.”
Luviana handed Jo another sandwich.
Paul looked betrayed.
“She needs calories.”
Jo smiled at Paul.
“Healer law.”
Paul sighed.
Ellie sat nearby.
The die rested in her palm.
She looked at it.
Everyone noticed.
Ellie rolled.
The die bounced.
Stopped.
2.
Everyone stared.
Ellie stared.
Jo stopped chewing.
Paul slowly smiled.
Ellie began laughing.
Hard.
Jo joined her.
Then Paul.
The Paladin.
Luviana.
Even Jimmy.
Ellie picked up the two.
“There you are.”
She put it back in her pouch.
Jo swallowed.
“Twenty still count.”
“Yeah.”
“Two count too.”
Ellie looked at her.
Jo shrugged.
“Still Ellie.”
For once, Ellie had no joke.
“Yeah,” she said quietly.
“Still Ellie.”
“What?”
Jo smiled.
“Twenty.”
Ellie sighed.
“Yes.”
Another hundred yards.
“Twenty.”
“Jo.”
“Two twenties.”
“I know.”
“Ellie Twenty Bobnobbin.”
“No.”
“Twenty Ellie.”
“No.”
“Natural Ellie.”
“Absolutely not.”
Jo thought.
“Twenty-Twenty Ellie.”
Ellie stopped walking.
Jo kept going.
Ellie stared at her back.
Then smiled.
“You know I’m going to roll a one next time.”
Jo turned around.
“So?”
Ellie blinked.
Jo shrugged.
“Still Ellie.”
Ellie looked at her for a moment.
Then started walking again.
“Yeah.”
Jo grinned.
“Twenty.”
“JO.”
The lost kingdom of Arresh disappeared behind them.
The Star was recovered.
The Guardian was destroyed.
And Ellie Bobnobbin had finally rolled a natural twenty.
Twice.
It changed absolutely nothing about how good a rogue she had already been.